It seems that a new, previously unknown form of Tourette's Syndrome has suddenly become a cause for concern. It varies from the widely known inherited neuropsychiatric disorder in three important ways:
- it affects written/typed output rather than spoken utterances
- it is contagious
- it is most often observed in professional footballers whose preferred position is left-back
An outbreak of this variant of Tourette's has affected the Cobham area in Surrey. Two professional footballers who train in the area have been afflicted. Last week, Chelsea's Ashley Cole came out with this outburst:
Today, his team mate and fellow left-back Ryan Bertrand, while explaining why a sore throat has made him unavailable for selection by the England manager, opined thus:
Roberto di Matteo must be desperately worried. Surely it's enough that his skipper has spent a year trying to get away with screaming the words "fucking black cunt" on the pitch at Loftus Road last season. Now the man keeping Pep Guardiola's seat warm has to deal with all this additional potty-mouthery? Robby seems like such a nice man. What has he done to deserve this?