Thursday, 2 February 2012

carry on at your convenience

EMPLOYERS: Has one of your most valued employees been accused of a criminal offence? Will some of your other key employees be required to come forward as witnesses during the trial? Could this inconvenience your business? Perhaps the trial looks likely to be scheduled for a busy time for your firm. The disruption could be quite severe.

Nothing you can do about it, right? The requirements of the criminal justice system must take precedence over the needs of individuals and businesses, right? So contingency planning for such circumstances is very challenging.

Not so! If one of your people is facing a trial and you'd like to delay the involvement of other team members, simply write a letter to inform the judge that your employees "would not be able to appear as witnesses" until a time more convenient for your business. It really is as simple as that!

Not convinced? Just ask Ron Gourlay, CEO of Chelsea Football Club. A delighted Gourlay explains: "We were facing a nightmare scenario. We had gambled by hiring an unproven coach whose only real achievement was winning the Portuguese league with a team that had won the title six out of the previous seven seasons anyway. The little Portugueezer just doesn't have the respect of the senior players. 'Lamps', 'Drogs' and 'JT' (Captain, Leader, LegendTM) just don't take the mouthy little bog brush seriously. Our league form was shaky and our squad was ageing fast. Then our club Captain (Leader, Legend) manages to get himself accused of racially abusing an opposing player in a heated derby match. So just imagine if our training schedule had been mildly disrupted by a couple of the team having to appear in court for an hour or so! Well, we weren't fucking having any of that. Training comes first. You can stick that appearing in court bollocks right up your arse. Luckily, District Judge Howard Riddle understood my point when I wrote to inform him that the trial would have to wait until the football season is over. We didn't even have to suggest that some of Roman's ex-KGB mates might have to come round to have a little word! Sweet as a nut!"

"So there you have it," smiled Gourlay. "JT can carry on putting in his professional performances for us. I reckon we're a shoo-in for fourth place and a Champions League qualifier next season. Result! Not only that, he even gets to captain England in the European Championships this summer. Nice one, Judge Riddle. You're on my Christmas card list, mate!"

You too can delay justice the Gourlay way. Perhaps you run a catering firm and your busiest time of year is in the spring and early summer wedding season. If one of your chefs is accused of committing a criminal offence in sight of his colleagues in the workplace, simply let the judge know that you need the trial put back to the autumn. Or perhaps you're a headteacher running a busy school. The autumn term is hectic, isn't it? Settling in the new intake. Dealing with the latest confusingly worded and contradictory requirements from the DfE. What a time for one of your teachers to be accused of racially abusing a pupil or a colleague in the playground! Don't worry, just write to the judge and you can have the trial put back until the summer. 

Private or public sector - whatever line of work you're in, do what Ron Gourlay did when the pesky inconvenience of a criminal trial threatened to affect his firm's business. Just write to the judge and say your people "would not be able to appear as witnesses." 

1 comment:

  1. Terry as in any company should of been placed on gardening leave until the trial. If found guilty Chelsea will have no choice but to sack him as any company would.